I went down a rabbit hole last week researching the idea of randomness. It all started with a book on quantum physics I’ve been reading. The author mentioned, as an aside, that mathematicians have always struggled to prove that anything in our world is truly random.

This statement stirred something in me.

Maybe because the idea that ‘life is random’ directly threatens my need to believe the opposite: that life is deeply intentional and meaningful. The concept of: ‘everything is random’ has always felt scary and disorienting. …

I had a different kind of Covid-blues the other day as I raced to drop one kid off, pick the other up, and call the dentist over bluetooth from the car to let her know we were going to be late.

At the dentist, I hovered by reception for the wifi password and fiendishly tapped on the tiny keyboard of my phone’s screen to send a time sensitive email while my youngest reclined in a seat down the hall getting a cavity filled. …

One of my favorite teachings from the Buddha is: It is better to travel well than to arrive.

The Ego wants to hurry up and get “there.” And when it gets there, it wants to be first in line, front stage tickets with a backstage pass.

The Soul wants to wander and see and feel all the little bumps in the road and buttercups sunbathing along the way.

I know I’m in Ego when I feel impatient. When I’m driving too fast or gritting my teeth at other drivers. I know I’m in Ego when the exchange has stopped being…

I was diagnosed with Lyme disease recently. Since receiving the news and taking all of the necessary steps to heal, I’ve noticed that I’ve been relating to myself differently. I feel extra protective of my health and sensitively attuned to the details of my daily routine: what I eat and drink, who I spend time with, how my days are scheduled. It makes me feel like a newborn baby to myself in a way I really like and don’t want to let go of, even as my health gets stronger and this level of care is not really warranted.

Or…

Last Sunday, months of ambiguous symptoms yielded to acute pain along the lower, right side of my belly and landed me in the ER. The pain was finally too bad and too loud and too undeniable to ignore.

It was Jesus level pain.

That’s a term my sister and I coined in the delivery room during the birth of my first child when I was in the middle of a contraction and tried to hop up from bed and go home.

I was delirious from pain and didn’t realize I was lying in a hospital bed, fully dilated, ready to…

When my dog Shadow was a baby she learned a trick. I usually keep a glass of water on my bedside table at night. She would crawl onto my chest and stare at it, growling, until I lifted it to her nose, tilted the glass and gave her a sip.

After enough times of this, even if there was no glass of water, her clamoring up to my chest, staring at the bedside table and growling meant: I’m thirsty, please give me some water.

In her mind, the bedside table is where the good water, that’s cold and comes in…

In my 20’s, I signed myself up for a week long silent meditation retreat at a Buddhist center deep in the woods of a tiny New England town. I was nervous. But not about maintaining silence. No, the real driver of my fears was the thought of being stranded in the middle of nowhere at the mercy of retreat center food, with no means to pop out for a bite of something better should a craving arise.

I’m a New Yorker; we’re used to being able to eat almost any kind of food at almost any time of day. There’s…

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said: I’m not bossy, I’m just always right. It made me laugh out loud and it reminded me of something I needed to remember: one of the most powerful tricks we can keep up our sleeves along the journey in this life is a good, healthy sense of humor.

The Ego insists on being taken seriously regardless of how ridiculous its attitude and expectations are most of the time. …