Pema Chodron wrote: Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.
When we struggle to let go, it’s because we haven’t learned the wisdom that is trying to make itself known to us. We end up in pain asking why we can’t move on when the real question is: what am I not understanding here?
What am I meant to know that I’m not grasping?
Life is a patient teacher. She will keep cycling the same curriculum around and around. She will not give up on us.
If we’re subconsciously holding the concept of…
This weekend I went looking for something and fell down the rabbit hole of reading my own, years old, writing.
This is something I rarely do.
For me, writing is as fundamental as digesting food when it comes to processing my life and keeping the channels clear. But if I re-read, I tend to develop judgments about the writing that get in the way the next time I need to sit and let it all out on the page.
I shift, imperceptibly, from author to editor or author to critic, in my own mind.
These are very different roles. The…
During a highly glamorous weekend, sitting in front of a spreadsheet working on my taxes — which is second only to sitting in the middle of a snake pit when it comes to the hierarchy of dread in my life — I had an epiphany.
I flashed back to a workshop I did a million years ago when the kids were small, my marriage was in trouble and the business I ran with my ex was drowning both of us.
We did an exercise on money during that workshop. We were tasked with dragging our unconscious assumptions and associations about…
One of the reasons loneliness can feel daunting and hard to heal is because we often make an unconscious link in our minds between loneliness and relationship status. If I want to remedy my loneliness, I have to find someone to fall in love with.
If we’re struggling to heal, it’s usually because we haven’t chiseled down to the root of the issue and found the precise name for what we’re dealing with. The concept of loneliness is sweeping and overwhelming. …
You are responsible for your thoughts.
You are responsible for your frequency.
You are responsible for your mood.
The first time I really threw myself, heart first, into the teachings of A Course In Miracles and Law of Attraction and heard this kind of information I balked.
But it was the specific kind of inner-rejecting that I’ve come to recognize as a signal to go deeper. “There’s something in this that’s triggering a strong reaction in me. Let me investigate.”
The directive to take responsibility felt like I was being misunderstood and blamed for what was not working in my…
I moved my favorite plant to a new, less sunny spot in the house and she fell apart. There is nothing inherently wrong with my plant. She simply fell out of alignment with what she needs.
There’s a life lesson here.
If you’re falling apart inside your life right now, there is nothing inherently wrong with you. You’re just out of alignment with what you need.
We have it inside out and backwards a lot of the time when it comes to understanding our lives. …
Last week there was a day when everything just felt off.
I went through the usual laundry list. Did I skip breakfast? Is it hormones? Have I been saying yes to too much? I tried on all the shoes looking for the one that fits.
It’s dangerously easy to turn a mood into a pathology.
I know this so I try to stay mindful of it. One of my favorite mantras is: “This feeling is shifting; don’t overthink it.”
The moment we start thinking a feeling we crystalize it. We make it heavier than it has to be. And then…
There’s an old saying: You can get bitter or you can get better.
This is what healing comes down to, in a nutshell. Do you want to hold on to your side of the story, your justifications for the hurts you feel? Do you want to be “right”? Or do you want to feel better?
What good is being right if we’re miserable?
The Ego wants to be right. The Soul wants to be free.
Being free means: I’m no longer concerned with trying to control how you perceive me or what the outcome looks like.
Being free means acknowledging…
Unresolved situations are hard for us to endure as human beings. We crave certainty and closure. We don’t like to wait or not know. It’s painful. In the same way that holding a pose for a prolonged amount of time is painful.
How to wait gracefully when waiting feels excruciating is a question that comes up often in my sessions. It can feel like an impossible equation until we break it down and understand the situation a little differently.
First, we need to acknowledge where we’re coming from when we’re feeling impatient.
When we’re impatient we’re in our Egos. The…
An old friend scheduled a c-section after enduring a complicated, high risk pregnancy. The doctors were taking no chances. “It feels so strange to be scheduling a birth like a dentist appointment,” she told me. “Monday at 1p I’m going to walk into the hospital and have my baby.”
I am thinking of this now as I call the vet for the third time in two days to reschedule Bruno’s euthanasia appointment. I am scheduling his death. It feels grotesque and surreal. I am asking his death to accommodate my life.
I want to do it on a Friday so…
Healing practitioner, writer and thought leader in the field of emotional intelligence and personal development. IG/FB: @marywelchofficial