At the end of July, in 2001, I walked into my boss’s office on a Friday afternoon and let him know I was quitting. This news landed more like: “I want a divorce” than: “I’m not going to be your executive assistant any longer.”

I was his “other wife” and he was my surrogate husband. We had a classically codependent relationship, replete in its boundarylessness, intense camaraderie and complexity of mutual need.

I knew exactly how much 2% milk to pour into his coffee. I bought birthday and Christmas presents for his kids on my lunch breaks with his credit…


There’s a 6th stage of grief recovery now: Making Meaning

I went down a rabbit hole last week researching the idea of randomness. It all started with a book on quantum physics I’ve been reading. The author mentioned, as an aside, that mathematicians have always struggled to prove that anything in our world is truly random.

This statement stirred something in me.

Maybe because the idea that ‘life is random’ directly threatens my need to believe the opposite: that life is deeply intentional and meaningful. The concept of: ‘everything is random’ has always felt scary and disorienting. …


image from David Steinbeck

I had a different kind of Covid-blues the other day as I raced to drop one kid off, pick the other up, and call the dentist over bluetooth from the car to let her know we were going to be late.

At the dentist, I hovered by reception for the wifi password and fiendishly tapped on the tiny keyboard of my phone’s screen to send a time sensitive email while my youngest reclined in a seat down the hall getting a cavity filled. …


“How am I feeling right now?”, is an incredibly powerful question.

One of my favorite teachings from the Buddha is: It is better to travel well than to arrive.

The Ego wants to hurry up and get “there.” And when it gets there, it wants to be first in line, front stage tickets with a backstage pass.

The Soul wants to wander and see and feel all the little bumps in the road and buttercups sunbathing along the way.

I know I’m in Ego when I feel impatient. When I’m driving too fast or gritting my teeth at other drivers. I know I’m in Ego when the exchange has stopped being…


The magical art of re-parenting is life changing.

I was diagnosed with Lyme disease recently. Since receiving the news and taking all of the necessary steps to heal, I’ve noticed that I’ve been relating to myself differently. I feel extra protective of my health and sensitively attuned to the details of my daily routine: what I eat and drink, who I spend time with, how my days are scheduled. It makes me feel like a newborn baby to myself in a way I really like and don’t want to let go of, even as my health gets stronger and this level of care is not really warranted.

Or…


Sometimes denial is a form of self love.

Last Sunday, months of ambiguous symptoms yielded to acute pain along the lower, right side of my belly and landed me in the ER. The pain was finally too bad and too loud and too undeniable to ignore.

It was Jesus level pain.

That’s a term my sister and I coined in the delivery room during the birth of my first child when I was in the middle of a contraction and tried to hop up from bed and go home.

I was delirious from pain and didn’t realize I was lying in a hospital bed, fully dilated, ready to…


When my dog Shadow was a baby she learned a trick. I usually keep a glass of water on my bedside table at night. She would crawl onto my chest and stare at it, growling, until I lifted it to her nose, tilted the glass and gave her a sip.

After enough times of this, even if there was no glass of water, her clamoring up to my chest, staring at the bedside table and growling meant: I’m thirsty, please give me some water.

In her mind, the bedside table is where the good water, that’s cold and comes in…


In my 20’s, I signed myself up for a week long silent meditation retreat at a Buddhist center deep in the woods of a tiny New England town. I was nervous. But not about maintaining silence. No, the real driver of my fears was the thought of being stranded in the middle of nowhere at the mercy of retreat center food, with no means to pop out for a bite of something better should a craving arise.

I’m a New Yorker; we’re used to being able to eat almost any kind of food at almost any time of day. There’s…


The best way to tame the Ego is to tickle it with a feather :)

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said: I’m not bossy, I’m just always right. It made me laugh out loud and it reminded me of something I needed to remember: one of the most powerful tricks we can keep up our sleeves along the journey in this life is a good, healthy sense of humor.

The Ego insists on being taken seriously regardless of how ridiculous its attitude and expectations are most of the time. …


Whenever we’re preoccupied with time, we’re coming from Ego.

The hydrangea came early this year. I sat on a blanket and pulled weeds from the mulch at their base in my front yard. It’s a meditative task that brings a lot of satisfaction. But one weed had grown like a spiral staircase, twisting up and around the tall stalks of hydrangea in a way that was very hard to untangle.

I tried to yank down from the root but that only tightened its hold like a set of zipper teeth, closing and pulling up. It crushed some of the fat, green leaves growing among the flowers.

I tried to…

Mary Welch Official

Healing practitioner and writer. Here to inspire + keep you company along the spiritual journey. Learn more: marywelch.com or my IG @marywelchofficial

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