Are You Self Isolating (and calling it solitude)?
There’s a question that comes up from time to time, in my work as a coach, about the difference between the need to self isolate and the need for solitude.
This is a topic very dear to my heart because self isolation is, unfortunately, my default mode when things are difficult or I’m struggling. It’s a wound I’ve been working with, personally, for a long, long time now. I know there are many of us out there who can relate. It is not always instinctual to seek support or lean on other people when we’re hurting. Some of us tend to section off instead.
When we self isolate in our pain it’s generally because we harbor a belief that says: I’m not acceptable when I’m hurting. I should be by myself when I’m crying or angry or struggling. People only want to be around me when I’m happy or easy breezy or fun.
Many of us grew up being sent to our rooms as punishment when we were acting out. This happened a lot in my household as a kid. There was rarely any kind of meaningful conversation around why my sister and I were upset or fighting — very little investigation of what’s going on that’s making you behave the way you’re behaving.
The message was simply: go away until you can pull it together and behave the way you’re supposed to. Go away and rearrange your feelings so the messy, difficult…
