Break Ups Are Actually About the Wound of Abandonment, Not the Other Person
I first published an article about break ups nearly 5 years ago on Medium. It’s had thousands and thousands of reads and a lot of people reached out to me directly because it really spoke to them.
I wound up reworking the article and publishing it as a chapter in my book, Love Notes From a Soul Coach because I knew it was a relevant, universal topic within the broader context of healing that deserved air time.
Break ups touch something very deep and tender in us that can be hard to heal. The pain of a break up is very specific and when we’re in that kind of acute, specific pain, we look for relief urgently. It is so hard to sit with the feelings of an ending — especially a surprise ending or an ending that feels abrupt — like we weren’t ready for this to be the end. And it’s so, so hard to sit with feelings of being unwanted when we’re hardwired to belong and belonging is an intrinsic, biological pull in us as humans.
There are some myths about break ups that run deep in our collective consciousness and they’re hard to reckon with sometimes. I wanna look at a few of these myths or misunderstandings about break ups and also talk about how to reframe them for the sake of our healing. Because, you know, so often ‘what happened’ and our narrative about what happened are…
