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How to Bust Out of People Pleasing Jail
I was in my 20’s when I met my ex-husband and I was 40 when the marriage ended so I didn’t have a lot of dating experience by the time I found myself single in my 40’s.
Before my marriage, the last time I dated, cell phones barely existed! Can you imagine?! There were no apps. There were no selfies! There was just the happenstance of meeting in real time, in organic ways, and figuring out compatibility as you go.
And I think there are good things and bad things about both versions. The old way was limiting and the new way involves a lot more opportunities to vet a person and not waste time for either of you — but it was a ridiculously harsh adjustment for me when I first dated in my 40’s. And there were times when it felt downright demoralizing.
Trying to be cool, trying to go with the flow, trying to hold onto myself in the midst of letting new people into my life… it was a lot to balance and I didn’t always get that balance right.
But this experience of dating again in my 40’s taught me so much about myself — especially about my tendencies to people please. I got to see that wound in action in real time and anytime we get to see our stuff playing out in real time with other people, we’re being given a gift. Because we’re being given a big opportunity to heal.